1st RULE: You do not blog about WEB CLUB.
2nd RULE: You DO NOT bog about WEB CLUB, even if it is through a sock puppet account with masked IP address.
3rd RULE: If you get a DNS or proxy error, server crash the coding is done.
4th RULE: Only one developer to a site.
5th RULE: One site at a time.
6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes.
7th RULE: Coding will go on as long as it has to.
8th RULE: If this is your first night at WEB CLUB, you HAVE to code.
Well, if I was a medical professional, the first thing I’d ask is “where on your body the rash is located?” After all, depending on the physical locale and pathology of the rash would help determine the cause, type and cure.
I, however, am not a medical professional and assume all rashes are the result of severe stress coupled with infestation by Tyrannosaurus Dust Mites*. The mites are common throughout not only North America, but six of the seven continents. They only place they cannot survive is South America**.
Exposure to the Tyrannosaurus Dust Mites can come through a variety of means, the most common for males being masturbation. During climax, the contraction of muscles from the sexual organs help move the mites into the body. Once inside, it’s like grandcentral station – they can go anywhere.
The most common form fo exposure for the females is going to the bathroom in groups. How does that work? SCIENCE!
The rash develops as stress levels increase. This provides erratic electrical impulses which affect the Tyrannosaurus Dust Mites in a way similar to how THC affects the human mind.
Basically, you become munchies.
The most effective way to rid yourself of the mites is the Asteroid Method. Simply take an orange and place it in the freezer over night. Once frozen, throw the solid citrus projectile at the effected area. The combination of cataclysmic impact and Vitamin C renders most Tyrannosaurus Dust Mites inert. The surviving mites then retire to Boca.
Watching Armageddon during the procedure isn’t mandatory, but it can’t hurt.
Hope that helps. If symptoms persist, consult that guy in Ybor who licks feet. I’d like to hear his take on the whole thing.
* Small, fearsome creatures roughly twice the size of your average dust particle. Once they bore into the skin, the Tyrannosaurus Dust Mite asexually reproduces and forms an inbred colony akin to a trailer park of deposed English Royalty in the Ozarks. This colony will continue to spread, eating your flesh from the inside out. However, in a truly ironic twist of evolution, the saliva of the Tyrannosaurus Dust Mite actually regenerates human flesh, ensuring a healthy food supply until the mites fuck themselves into oblivion. The rash is actually regrowing of skin.
** South America has been off-limits to the human population since 1837, when a zombie outbreak was coupled with the production of heroin. So yeah, flesh-eating creatures exist there, but they lack motivation and move slooooow, maaaaaan.
So I was Spider Jerusalem for a couple hours this weekend.
Photo by HeathenLife.
First time I’ve worn a costume in years. Was fun, had a great time even if nobody had any clue who I was.
For the Septembeard challenge The Weird Beard Bastardos raised $1096 for prostate cancer research. Of that, just shy of $500 came in that last 3 days.
You guys rule. We’ll have to kick it up a notch for next year.
As promised, my head is now shaved. So betthearm.com and Asher Industries is proud to present: THE SHAVENING.
I tried to get the photos on here, but WordPress was being cunty, so now we have a brand new Flickr account. Bask in the baldness!
Posted this to Twitter:
It is a semi-true story. Many moons ago while still in Uncle Sam’s prickly embrace, I was stationed at a small base in the high desert of California (the base has long since closed). On Halloween night a co-worker was on call, which basically meant if a crappy job popped up, he would have to do it. Nine out of ten times this meant things like cleaning out storm drains so basements wouldn’t flood or various other scut work.
This time the call was a bit different.
A child on the base hospital passed. Nobody was sure why. An autopsy was required, but the only facility capable of doing so was a couple hundred miles away across the desert. So my friend was tasked with driving the little corpse, alone on Halloween night, to the larger medical facility.
Yes, many WHAT THE FUCK’s were uttered that night.
However, turns out they had a change of heart and airlifted the little bugger to the other facility, so he never had to do The Drive of Doom. Which is good, because there was no way that kid wasn’t reanimating and eating my friend.
Gave us a creepy story, though. Feel free to expound in your own minds.
Since Tumblr is down, let’s put the final post here. Seems fitting, as once the month is over all updates will go here.
Badger Beard, Day 27
Septembeard is in the home stretch and The Weird Beard Bastardos have raised (at this writing) around $600. This is a nice number and a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who donated, forwarded via email, mentioned it on Facebook/Twitter/where ever, or even gave us kind words of support. We appreciate it.
However, it comes to my attention that us growing beards has no real benefit for you. I really have nothing to offer, except on thing: schadenfreude.This means I’m willing to go through MONTHS of public humiliation to raise more money by shaving a various parts of my body for certain amounts donated.
Let’s look at some price points. If The Weird Beard Bastardos raise:
All right, so not only am I willing to suffer the indignity of looking like a methed-out redneck for 30 days, but I’m willing to go through months of ridicule as The Hairless Ape of The Lower 48.
You can donate at http://septembeard.org/team/
If you’d like to see what the beards look like, we’ve been posting pictures at http://theweirdbeardbastardos.
For proof, photos (and possibly video) of a hairless Asher will be posted here.
I understand times are tough and you might not have a couple bucks. It’s cool. Believe me, I get it. However, if you could at least spread the word, it would be helpful and still receive our heartfelt thanks.
Thanks. Hope all is well and you’re better groomed than I.
For September I’m blogging over at The Weird Beard Bastardos to help raise money for prostate cancer research. Unlike this blog, I’m actually posting (almost) daily over there, complete with pictures.
Pictures? Por qua?
The premise is you do not shave for #Septembeard and people sponsor your manly face hair. I, of course, cannot grow a beard. I acquire face-mange. But the razor shall be avoided until the end of the month and hopefully we’ll raise a few bucks for a good cause.
So yeah. If you wish to donate/sponsor our team, you can head over to https://septembeard.org/donate/55/. No donation is too small, and if you get a second, spread the love over email or a social network of your choosing. Raising awareness doesn’t suck, either.
Thanks. Beard on, you glorious unicorns.
Many moons ago, when people still used Facebook*, Norcross was fully getting into the swing of being self-employed. It finally hit a point where he needed a real bio and didn’t want to write one. Instead, he turned to Twitter and proclaimed it should be crowd sourced.
Yeah, I know.
Being a Friday night, some people posted a couple things and went about their life. Since I do not have one of those, I may have had a beer or two before I started contributing. And contributing. And…well, I was amusing myself.
All the tweets were collected, but Norcross never posted them. Not as a bio, it never showed on his blog and wasn’t mentioned again.
Until now. Because I need content.
I believe these are all of them, properly attributed. So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Norcross Crowd Sourced Bio of November 2010.
And finally, one from Ravis Harnell
* I know people use it now, but this is a blog. It’s timeless.
My supervisor sent me an email asking the status of a project. This was my response.
It’s on fire. There was a kraken attack and, in the course of defending, the munitions store kinda sorta exploded. I sent a man down to contain the blaze, but he thought I said “maintain the haze” and added some MORE wood.
Get your G.E.D., kids.
Anyway, we might be able to salvage something but right now I’ve got a 50 foot tentacle wrapped around my leg (it kinda hurts). I’m using a cutlass to try and fend off the beast, but if you could send a musket or something, that would be grand.
Also? Look out behind you.
I have no idea how I remain employed.
