Why did I get up so early today? I wanted to finish reading a book. Yeah, there was only a chapter left and I cranked it out pretty quick (all while preparing BBQ chicken. In the crock pot. Shut up, it counts) but when I was in the shower this happened:
Me: Man, that book was great.
Disembodied Voice In My Head (DVIMH): Yeah, it was. Took you long enough to finish it, though.
Me: Fuck you, I’ve been busy.
DVIMH: Yeah, yeah. But now you have time and a slew of other books to get through.
Me: Exactly how much is a “slew?”
DVIMH: It’s not so much a precise measurement as much as “STOP BUYING BOOKS AND READ THE ONES YOU HAVE OR I’LL KILL YOU.”
Me: Wow, for a subconscious manifestation you have serious anger issues.
DVIMH: Eh, Dad never hugged me. What are you gonna do?
So in order to prevent the Disembodied Voice In My Head from committing violent atrocities within the confines of my gray matter* I started another book, which is pretty cool, but then I kinda lost track of time because I had a good book, one dog curled at my feet and quietly snoring and another curled up by my side and loudly snoring. And since the idiom is “let sleeping dogs lie,” I did just that and it’s a great saying because I got to read another chapter or two. Or three. And not get bitten.
This is why I got up early. Well, that and a whiny dog who had to pee, but really the book thing.
* It’s not like I can reach in there and stop him. I mean, I could, but, you know, severe head trauma, which I think would be playing directly into his hands. Clever, Disembodied Voice In My Head. Clever.